“So I’m trying to work out at the gym and I see this guy wearing a shirt that has that goofy heart on it and it says, ‘I <heart> my church’ and I’m thinking, Yeah, so? I like my coffee. I don’t advertise it on my shirt. Not on purpose anyways,” said Harold Varsamian.
“I notice when you get excited sometimes you spill coffee,” I said.
“Yeah, but that ain’t the point. These people—these people wear their shirts as if it is a big deal to like their church. If that’s what that heart symbol is supposed to mean. Who doesn’t like their church? You don’t like it, you find another church or you start another church or you quit church! What’s the deal here? I never saw this before.”
“Maybe we need a Ms. Anne Thrope’s Coffee Club t-shirt. Advertising is helpful. What church do they promote?” I asked.
“I don’t know. They just say, ‘I heart my church’ and then they have some sort of symbol. Maybe it’s a secret code. I don’t know. I don’t care. Just it irritates me. You like your church, fine. You don’t like it, leave. That’s simple. I already said it once.”
“Doesn’t sound like anything to cause the juices to jangle. I’ve got stuff to do. Strawberry or Brandy can fill in for me.” I went to the kitchen to check on some pastries.
“Hey, Mr. V. No problem,” said Brandy. “People wearing those shirts are younger than you. A lot younger. They’re my age and we identify. You wouldn’t understand.”
“You identify? What does that mean? Like a lodge handshake? What we did at the Loyal Order of the Royal Platypus? Church has come to mean secret signs?”
“No, sir. We identify because we’re part of the same team, some group of people. That shouldn’t be hard for you to understand. Maybe I’ll wear my shirt here. Might attract more customers.”
“The only thing I understand is that I’m old and it’s a generational thing. Can you give me another cup of Armenian coffee? I’ll be at the backgammon table. I need to think about this. Maybe calm down some.”
“No problem, Mr. V. I’ll have it out to you.”
“Of course, it’s no problem—but you know that. What happened to basic customer—never mind. Calm yourself down, Varsamian. It’s going to be OK.”